It’s fourth wall breaking time here; usually we just report the Nintendo Update news, tell you the facts about the games, and be on our merry way. This time I’m doing it a little different—this weeks update is a complete kick in the johnson and you should have no part of it.

First up, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney for WiiWare. Yes, it’s a port of the DS version, yes it’s still great value, but the complete lack of effort behind this port is disgusting, and Capcom wonder why they’re not selling anything on the Wii. You see, while Ace Attorney is a great game, this port is an embarrassment; it features the same graphics as the DS version, blown up and bordered on your TV screen. In addition, it’s missing the final case and the only addition to it is motion based Objections which only come out through the Wii remote. By purchasing this you’re only validating Capcom putting less effort in to their Wii and WiiWare procuts. Don’t do it.

The other additions this week are the BeatNes and Hanebrow modes from Elektroplankton—they’re split into two for 200 points each. These two are probably the best two from the entire collection, because they allow you to remix several NES games’ soundtracks like Super Mario Bros. You may remember Hanenbow from the stage of the same name in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. You adjust leaves on a plant as fish jump out of the water, and the angle and position of the leaves nets you a different sound. Expect Nintendo to roll these out over the next few weeks. Oh, and there is another Sudoku game from Hudson, it’s not the 314th Sudoku title on the service.

Also, surprise, there’s no Virtual Console this week.