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Things I learned from Secret of the Magic Crystal

Posted by Ninja Catfish , 15 July 2012 · 1,308 views

A friend at work bought me Secret of the Magic Crystal as a joke. (A JOKE!)
I decided, ha, the joke's on you, I'm going to PLAY and ENJOY this game!

So I gave it a try, and learned a few things.

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I started out with a 'Colt' (apparently a colt is a tiny baby horse that hasn't yet worked out how to eat and cannot reach the water trough, I then groomed it's hair, and hooves and everything and SUDDENLY it was a mother-flipping unicorn. Just like FLASH EXPLOSIONS unicorn time.
So, if you have a baby horse, groom it. It will become a unicorn.

I then learned the art of making horse shoes.
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According to this game, you read the secret horse shoe recipe book, place 4 cryptic and mystically named ingredients onto an anvil, and then play a VERY SLOW rhythm game involving pressing directions when the cue hits a mark, and you'll have perfectly crafted horseshoes. I think I should change my job IRL.

Then it's time to train your unicorn! They love being outside and running left to right.
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They also like jumping over things!
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However unicorns are very dumb creatures, that forget to jump over obstacles unless you tell them by pressing buttons.
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Apparently "Dressage" means 'making your unicorn walk around like a dickhead'.
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Every unicorn's dream is to replace a sick milkman's horse and deliver milk to the townspeople!
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And lastly, the secret to training your unicorn is to force it into gruelling physical labour until only the shell of a once proud unicorn is left.
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;D Bahahah

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PlasmaDavid
Jul 17 2012 06:57 PM
ILY
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Pertinent life lessons tbh
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